Menopause Morph 2.0 Welcome Back - Pauline (1) audio
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Pauline: [00:00:00] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Menopause Morph 2.0. So this is the second series. It's been, can you believe it? It's been eight years since the last episode. And why was it eight years? Life got in the way. Can you believe it? Life got in the way. You know what it's like one thing on top of another.
The very first thing that happened was I had recorded a monologue and in the monologue I was telling you that we were going to Bulgaria. My husband had this dream of retiring somewhere where he could sit in the sun and drink cheap beer. Well, if you've ever been to Iceland, you know we don't get that much sun.
Today we have sun, you can see it's shining on my face, but beer, oh my goodness. Any kind of alcohol is extortionate. [00:01:00] It's about, 15 euros for a beer in a bar. I don't drink alcohol, but he does. So it was his dream to be able to sit in the sun and drink cheap beer. So we were going to just check it out, just to see what it was like because he's actually never been there.
So, I made the recording and then. He was shouting at me quick, quick, quick. We're gonna be late, we're gonna miss the airplane. So I had the laptop on my hands, with the top open and it was, you know, , when you close down a Zoom or one of these things, the video has to process itself.
So he had taken all the luggage into the car, and I got into the car and because it was wobbly, I wasn't thinking I had to put on my seatbelt, so I just closed the laptop and. When I got to [00:02:00] Bulgaria, opened up expecting the video to be there, but it wasn't because I had closed the laptop. Technology's great when it works, but when it doesn't work, it's not so great.
Sometimes technology works, but maybe our brains are not working. But anyway, so that was that. And then one thing happened, one after another. Really horrific things happened. I had left somebody in charge of my house while we went away. Well, basically I'm a bit, you know, I always want to help people.
So in Iceland I am the, the president of the Foreigners Association. And so a lot of foreigners that are in trouble. I tried to help as much as possible because when my sons left the house, we had two extra bedrooms. So it was this young couple from Italy and they were wanting to live in Iceland and find a job and [00:03:00] everything.
So they stayed in my house for free and I said, I said, all I would ask you to do is like maybe do a spring clean. So when I got back. I could not find anything. And there was something really important. I was working on the papers for my Icelandic citizenship and they were really, really important papers and it had taken me months to collect and these papers that were on the chest of drawers here. I asked where did you put them?
I don't know they said. I search high and low. High and low. Do you know it took me five years, like after five years I accidentally came across them. They were in a drawer that was for table clothes, a very deep drawer, you know, maybe five or six table cloths. And normally I was just using the first top two. But this one day I was looking for a specific tablecloth, and underneath these tablecloths were all these important documents for my [00:04:00] Icelandic citizenship. Now, why'd they put them there? I don't know. But they did so many other crazy, crazy, crazy things. And then the next year we went to Bulgaria. We had another couple and I'm trying to be polite. Basically, they smashed my front door and didn't bother to fix it or tell me about it.
And then the next time I had somebody, because each year we were going to Bulgaria to search in different parts of Bulgaria for a house. And then there was one year, we had this guy, it was an American Icelandic couple and they were meant to look after the house and the not. They were smoking in the house, or one of them was smoking in the house, which was absolutely banned, and they it turned out they were both alcoholics, which I didn't know.
One slipped on the stairs in a drunken stupor and banged her head on the glass door. So there was a big hole. And one [00:05:00] of my neighbors sent me a picture with his hand through the hole. He said, you realize there's a hole in the your door.
Yeah, you would think I would learn. But no, then I had the third one. Oh. And this guy stayed in my house for two years, then he got married and the couple was staying there. And this time, during that time, my husband got COVID. We got COVID in Bulgaria , and actually he nearly died during that, COVID. He was in the hospital for many weeks and I'm sure each one of you have your own COVID stories.
So basically he was in the hospital in a room with three beds. He was in the middle and almost every day, somebody on either side of him died. And [00:06:00] I was in quarantine because I had got it as well, but it was just like a flu or something.
So, I went to the hospital, you had to go at 11 o'clock and get details about your relative in the hospital. And someone had told me, if you buy this PPE Personal protective equipment, I think they call it, like all these gowns and masks and things. If I bought them myself, I would be allowed into the intensive care.
And the doctor said, oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely no. Normally yes, that's allowed, but because it's COVID and they've got all the viruses in the air you could get sick. And I went, oh look, I've just recovered from it. And look, here's my certificate saying, I'm negative now and so I must have so many antibodies in my system so it shouldn't, there's no way I'm going to get infected right away again.
Oh, I don't know. I don't know. And I said, well, who, who would be able to give me permission? And he says, oh, the head doctor. I said, well, can you phone him [00:07:00] or contact him and ask? So he is on the phone. They're talking away in Bulgarian, which I only know a few words, so I didn't understand.
And then he came over and he said, um. He said yes. He said, only five minutes. Only five minutes. So I went in and my husband was there with an oxygen mask and looking really sick, and he had written on a napkin, his last will and testament. Well, that's what he thought it was, but he was so sick.
It was just like spiders crawling across the page. By that time we had, been able to buy a house , but it was a really old house and we needed to renovate it. So he'd been fixing this room to make me an office, with a ceiling and everything. And he had done it on his napkin with directions on how to finish the ceiling of this office.
But, he was able to say, he took the gas mask off and, and explained in between gasps what it [00:08:00] was. That's what he thought it was, but it was just another spider crawling across the page. But it really, it was emotional for him. It was emotional for me. And then he said, oh, can you bring me toilet paper? Because they don't have toilet paper in Bulgarian hospitals, the toilet paper and, bounty bars. He had a whole list of things that he wanted. So the next day I came and the the doctor said, oh, you went in for 15 minutes. I said, five, five! He said, and if you are more than five minutes today, then that's it. You're never allowed back in again.
So I came in with all these little treats and he was sleeping and I was putting them on his table, but he looked worse. He was gray. His face was gray, like a dead body. And he opened his eyes and he said, you do know I'm dying. And I rushed around the bed and I shook his arms, "you are not dying!"
You're not dying. You are going to get better. You come home and then I'll kill you! :) And he said, okay, okay okay! [00:09:00] I told him that, if you give up in your mind, you will die. But you can overcome this. You can get through it. You can get through it. And to this day, he will tell people, if Pauline hadn't been allowed into to talk to me, to inspire me, I would be dead. Because I had given up. I had agreed to die, basically.
So when he finally got home. It turned out he's got this long COVID, so he's been very, very sick for five years now. And so that was like what I was doing. For those of you who have been following, maybe I've told you before that my elder son is autistic, so he had a lot of problems in Iceland.
He wanted to move house and he couldn't, so I was jumping to Iceland, helping him. When I left Bulgaria, I had to employ a nurse to look after my husband, then help my son, and then my elderly father, he needed [00:10:00] help. So at one time I was spending three months in Scotland, and then three months in Bulgaria and three months in Iceland and just going around and around the circles.
But, it was a blessing in a way. Spending that lot of time with my father, I got to know him really well. My mum and dad, they were married for 53 years. They'd never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before. They were so much in love. This is one of the other problems that happened.
Five years after my mom died, he met this other lady. By that time he was 77. She was 70 . I was very happy for him because , he was so sad after my mother died, even really, it was another case of he was giving up on life and then one day I phoned him and he was like, oh, so chirpy. "Oh I've just done this coach trip to Blackpool with this lady. Every time I phoned he was always talking about this lady.
And I was saying to one of my sister, oh, I think dad's got a girlfriend. No, no, no, no, no, she said. It turned out they got married. [00:11:00] I was very happy for her, but some of my siblings were saying somethingĀ´s not right about her. Something's not right about her. She's like a money grabber or something.
My father wasn't rich, but he had his own house and this lady. Forced him to sell the house. But my sisters were taking care of the money from the house. 'cause it was in a Trust. He'd put it in a Trust
Because my mother had been ill with MS for many years and she ended up in a hospice for two years before she died. The system in Britain is, I don't know, in England, but in Scotland, if you own property, if you've got a lot of money, you have to pay for the hospice yourself until you run out of money.
And then the government will start to pay. So some of my sisters, like one is a lawyer, one a banker and one's an educator and they said if you put the house into a trust, then the government will pay for her care right away. So that's what he did.
So his new wife said, no, no, no, [00:12:00] no. We want to go on holidays around the world, like a world tour or cruises and things like that, so she convinced him basically to sell his house and move in with her.
So that's what he did. And every year the trustees would give my dad 20,000 pounds. And he put it in the bank. My mom and dad, they had always had a joint bank account, that's the way it was in those days. And he just trusted her the way he trusted my mother. And every year that 20,000 went not to cruises, it went to her daughter without his knowledge.
It's debatable about three or 400,000, roundabout that in between three and 400,000 pounds she stole from her father. And when the last payment was made, she said, get the F outta here. You're a fat bastard. And so that was maybe two years ago. It was horrific. Horrific thing. [00:13:00] So. I was, actually was visiting him the day that he admitted what was going on.
And so that's been a horrific, horrific thing. But she had cut off many of my brothers and sisters. "Oh, that one was so nasty to me. I don't want you to let her in the house. " And basically it was elder abuse. This lady was manipulating and cutting his family off and giving him, bullshit excuses, basically, really cutting ' him off. The ones of us that lived overseas, we were allowed to visit, and one sister that lived in another part of Scotland was allowed to visit none others, and we were 10. So my father was very, philosophical, let's say he said, I'm unhappy that I've lost all my money, all my life savings, everything he said. But the good thing about it is that I've got my family back, all my children back. So last month [00:14:00] he turned 89.
Earlier this year he was very sick and I was taking care of him for three months. I got really close to him. I learned more about his childhood and his dreams, and it was so, so nice to hear these stories. Then they thought that he had pancreatic cancer. So he said, I wanted to reach my 90th birthday, but I'm not going to do it.
So we had the big party for his 89th, but it turns out it wasn't, it was something else. It was some. I don't know what the medical term is, but, but he's okay, but he's not good standing on his feet. Two weeks ago, he fell down and broke his clavicle. So he's now in an intermediate nursing home and soon he will go into a long-term nursing home.
But he'd already decided that he wanted that, he found it very difficult even though he had a lot of carers coming in four times a day, they would come in to help, but he really decided, I think that the scare, this three months he had in the hospital. It gave him a scare. [00:15:00] And so he decided he wanted to go and live in a nursing home.
He'd been scared of it because about 30 years ago, he worked in the social service services the care homes then, basically people just went there to die and he was terrified. But of course in 30 years many things change. So a social worker said, look, why don't you go and check it out?
And it, when he came back, he said , well, it is like a holiday camp or something, you know, like a hotel. So he was quite excited to go there. So next week I will be going again to Scotland to help him. When his, wife kicked him out, we had to buy furniture and everything. So there's furniture there and fridges and stuff like that, that, need to be either sold or disposed of, donated to charity or something.
So that's a big lot of work. So I will be there next week. Maybe I'll do an episode when I'm there, but maybe not, [00:16:00] maybe not, because I really want to focus on my dad while I'm there. But I'm making lots of recordings now, and so there'll be a few weeks set up and hopefully the next time, well, I'll be able to tell you in one of the monologues how he's getting on, how he's settled into his nursing home, how the family is, how I am, because I'm very happy that he will be in a place that will take care of him 24 hours a day, and my husband is getting better. He, for the first time in about five years, he's able to come back to Iceland. He's been working on renovating the house. That was another thing. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but one of the, the things was I paid a builder to put a new roof and cladding on the house, and then, well that was the story I was getting around to. So while he was in Bulgaria, very sick, there was a guy, in a very difficult situation. I let him stay in the [00:17:00] house. All he had to do was stay in the house, take care of the house, let me know if anything happened, and paint the fence, no rent.
A couple of weeks before I came back. He writes me an email and says, oh, by the way, just to let you know, there's water coming in the roof of the bathroom. Well, it wasn't just coming in the roof of the bathroom, it was coming in the roof of the storage room and the downstairs. So three rooms got damaged .
It needed new ceilings, new walls. It's a nightmare. It's just been one thing after another. But the good thing is I'm back and I want to inspire you. Life is, there's very few people that just sail through life without any problems. Some people have little problems. Some people have big problems. Some people have little and big and intermediate, and they just keep coming from every direction.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, [00:18:00] and I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need. Somebody to talk to, reach out. That's another one of my problems is, my email used to be [email protected], but there's a company called Bluehost and they, we are not very nice without warning, without telling me. They suddenly canceled that email and changed it into Pauline at Bluehost and about 23 letters after it. So nobody could contact me. So if you were one of the people that wrote to me and I didn't reply, I'm very, very sorry. I wasn't getting any email because that email just disappeared into the ether.
I'm in the process of trying to get it up, starting somewhere else with a new host company. I'm not advertising any companies, you find what you find. I would not recommend Bluehost because they really don't [00:19:00] care about the customers. So what do we care about? I care about you.
I care about my family. I care about society. I care about the world. And I want you to know that you are not alone when you're going through your menopause. I've told you some problems that went on, but I'm here. No matter what problem that you are going through, know that you're not alone.
There was a hymn. I remember singing when I was younger and there was a line in it. It said The Lord would never give to me a cross. I could not bare. And whether you're religious or not, the concept is there that the universe or God, or no matter what religion you are, but we all get burdens, burdens, burdens, but we have an energy, we have a drive in us that we can get through it.
I think it's a problem like getting shot in the head, well that will kill you. But these other problems, these sometimes. [00:20:00] Really make life difficult. It's so, it's, it's like swimming through mud, but it makes us stronger. So like, if you're swimming through mud, you're using your muscles and you're, getting stronger, and sometimes these horrific things that happen make us better or a stronger person.
I mean, let's be honest, some people will go through a terrible situation and they will come out a better person. Some will come out regretting it or, bitching about it, and they'll bitch about that problem for years and years and years, and they won't grow. So whatever problem you're going through now. What choice do you want to make? Do you want to bitch about it and complain about it for the rest of your life? Or do you want to use it as an educational experience to become a better person? To become a more loving person, a more understanding person? So I'm here if you need me, [00:21:00] you can contact me at my Gmail account, [email protected].
P-A-U-L-I-N-E, do M-C-C-A-R-T-H-Y at gmail com. So that's it for today, and hopefully we shall meet again next week.
My plan is to run this podcast for many years, and I'm also in the process of making an online course and, a community platform, not just on Facebook or somewhere like that where they could just cut the thing off. It's just gonna be a private, community where you can come and chat to each other, inspire each other, because we're not alone.
We can help each other. What life is about. You know, no man is an island. [00:22:00] We have to support each other. So until then, we'll see you next week. Ciao.
